The Pizza Box Is Alive and Nutella Is Delicious

Taking a trip with Salvia Divinorum

Not many things are less interesting than opening your front door for the pizza delivery driver who is presenting you with your delicious pepperoni pizza and its soft drink side-kick. Unless… you are doing it tripping balls on a lovely little herb called Salvia divinorum. Then and only then does it become an adventure hard to describe using only human words.

So there you are, sitting on your comfortable couch, you inhale the smoke of this strange and horrible tasting herb from the glass bowl. You hold it in as you count in your head: 6…5…4…3…2…1… and then you exhale. About 3 seconds go by and it’s “blast off!” The world loses focus and starts to get wavy. You can hear, see and feel vibration. Sometimes you can even feel the presence of other beings not from this world.

But this time, it was a box of pizza with the wisdom of Yoda.

So there I was coming back to reality after my first trip when I decided I needed to go back in for my own spiritual reasons. I forget that I have a delivery order on the way and go for round 2. I take a smoke and just then, the doorbell rings.

The ring of the doorbell sounds like the sirens of Homer’s Odyssey guiding me on a path of that will end in joy rather than destruction.

My journey had begun.

My destination was the front door.

As I rise to begin this incredible venture through space and time, I am in a realm of a different dimension. I feel as though my walking is more like swimming through an electro magnetic pool that is everywhere.

I make it to the front door, I take my pizza and drink, give the driver a $20 bill, and tell him to keep the change. As he’s kissing my ass and thanking me for the generous tip, I shut the door and start my journey back (Sorry pizza delivery man, didn’t mean to seem like a dick, but I was in the zone). I am about to set the pizza down on the table and just sit down until the trip wears off within the next 30-50 seconds or so, and then it happens… the pizza box is alive.

I am staring at this cardboard box when telepathically – without words – it lets me know how happy it is to see me and that the horrible taste I have in my mouth from the salvia smoke can only be remedied with a spoon full of Nutella. I set the pizza box down and head for my plastic jar of Nutella that I unintentionally, yet conveniently, left out on my counter with the spoon I used from breakfast that morning.

As master pizza box Yoda recommended, I begin to eat the Nutella.

I take a generous size glob of the chocolately, hazelnuty goodness and shovel it in my mouth. To my complete amazement, Pizza Box Yoda was absolutely right! The glob of Nutella takes the awful taste out of my mouth!


I also fully snapped back into reality. As I was devouring this spoonful of awesomeness, the trip was over. I was back to normal. The box was no longer a wise Jedi master but a mere piece of dead matter containing one thin crusted pizza.

Knowing fully well that the box was never alive, I still felt a sense of loss. I know that I will never communicate with master pizza box Yoda ever again. But for what its worth, at least I had the privilege to be the pupil of a great teacher, a master of the dimensions and space/time who had taken form in a lifeless pizza box just to let me know he was happy to see me and that Nutella helps with bad tastes… even if it only was for about 20 seconds.

So what’s the point of this story? I haven’t the faintest clue… But now I know a great piece of knowledge that could help me in my future ventures into the unknown… always keep a jar of Nutella close in the event of a bad taste.

Salvia Pizza

Author: This essay was sent in to us from a reader named Michael the Ginger-Albino Goblin… (obviously an alias to protect the innocent!) who wanted to share his account of his first Salvia trip. Salvia divinorum is psychoactive plant which can induce dissociative effects and produce potent “visions” and other hallucinatory experiences. Mazatec shamans have a long and continuous tradition of religious use of this plant, using it to facilitate visionary states of consciousness during spiritual healing ceremonies. While a handful of states have banned the sale and possession of Salvia, it is not currently regulated under the Controlled Substances Act and can be purchased from local sellers as well as online.


3 thoughts on “The Pizza Box Is Alive and Nutella Is Delicious

  1. Pingback: Michael’s Bad Trip | Chaos Section

  2. Pingback: Chaos 2013: Year in Review | Chaos Section

  3. Pingback: Chaos 2013: Year in Review | Chaos Section

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