The Adventures of Michael the Ginger-Albino Golbin – Episode 2: Michael’s Bad Trip
If you haven’t already read Michael the Ginger-Albino Goblin’s previous adventure: The Pizza Box Is Alive and Nutella Is Delicious, then you may want to catch up and read it before continuing with this story – just to get a little familiar with Michael – but it is certainly not required.
Poor ol’ Michael, he really did it to himself good on this one.
Just the other day, Michael was walking through the woods where he crossed paths with Joe the Gnome. Joe is a pretty cool gnome; he owns the local head shop where Michael buys his tobacco and Salvia herb. Joe was really excited to see Michael because he knew that Michael, being a goblin, liked tripping balls on hallucinogens and Joe had just the new product in stock for Michael to try: Aminita Muscaria – or Fly Agaric mushrooms.
Michael was ecstatic to hear the news! He had always known about the Aminita Muscaria and read many books, articles, and stories of shamans all over the world using this mushroom to go on spiritual journeys for centuries. Michael had also read that this mushroom contains chemicals that are not meant to be ingested in large quantities. So while Michael was excited to try this interesting and folkloric mushroom, he was also well aware to be cautious.
Michael went back with Joe to his head shop and purchased a bag of these fascinating dried mushrooms.
Michael and Joe said their goodbyes and Michael started his walk home.
Later that day Michael decided it was a good time to try the mushrooms. So he opened the bag, and followed the instructions he read about how to properly take these powerful Aminitas. He ate two medium-sized caps and waited patiently for the effects.
About 45 minutes went by and Michael felt a little buzz, kind of like he had a few goblin brewskis, but nothing powerful or visual.
45 minutes became an hour, an hour became 2 hours, and finally after about 4 hours, Michael had given up completely that this mushroom session would ever happen, the buzz had faded and there was really no effects what so ever. Frustrated, Michael decided to take a breath of fresh air and step outside of his goblin dwelling to look at the moon before he went to sleep for the night. As he was walking outside, an idea came to Michael! How cool would it be to look at the moon while taking a small toke of Salvia!? So Michael grabbed his glass smoke bowl, a tiny pinch of Salvia, took a smoke, and stepped outside into the dark night.
Michael took three steps out the door when… BLAST OFF!
Right off the bat Michael knew this would be no ordinary trip.
Within an instant the world became molecules visible to the naked eye. Fractal pieces of tiny inter-connected electric holographic fragments that made a static-like ratchet wrench noise. These molecules when put together made up the known world that can be seen, heard, tasted and touched. Michael thought this was the hight of his trip, but man oh man was he wrong. Within a few short seconds these fractal interconnected fragments became whole again. The world was back together! Or so it seemed. Michael moved his face and eyes down to what looked like normal eye level and began to walk back inside. Michael took one step, but something very wrong happened. The world inverted into itself like when someone looks through a kaleidoscope and spins it. Micheal felt trapped. Panic started to set in and he felt like he was to be trapped in this dark kaleidoscope realm forever! And then Michael reminded himself, “It’s just a trip, its only a trip”.
In what felt like 10 minutes (but was really only about 60 seconds) the world came back to normal. Michael immediately went back inside drenched in sweat. For the next 20 minutes or so Michael kept reassuring himself that he was back in the real world and home safely in his goblin dwelling.
Michael ripped off his sweat soaked shirt and hopped in the shower.
When Michael got out of the shower, he reflected on this amazing trip… and how stupid it was to do it outside. Luckily for Michael, it all happened around 1:00 in the morning and all the neighbor orcs, goblins, gnomes, and fairies were sound asleep
Michael prepared to go to sleep when suddenly he realized what a horrible taste he still had in his mouth. Luckily, Michael knew exactly what to do! Thanks to his encounter a few days prior with master Pizza Box Yoda, he knew that the only cure for bad taste was a spoon full of Nutella.
Mary Poppins once said “Just a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down”… well, that’s all fine and dandy, but master Pizza Box Yoda is a grand sensei of this universe and has proven to Michael once before that his knowledge far surpasses anyone in this realm, on this world… and that includes a British super-Nanny who paraglides on a magical umbrella.
Once again, Michael took a spoonful of Nutella and instantly felt right as rain. Michael meandered back to his goblin bed, tucked himself in, and with a smile on his face, went to sleep.
Until next time,
Author: Michael the Ginger-Albino Goblin is an avid explorer of the universe; an adventurer into realms unknown; a psychedelic warrior navigating the vast collective unconscious; a cosmic communicator, writer, artist… and, obviously, a big fan Nuttela.