Gun Owners Are Simpletons… And I Like Starbucks


To start off my little rant here, I’d like to say that I am probably the biggest “gun-nut” on this planet. Ever since I was a kid I have been fascinated by firearms. As a teen – when my father felt I was mature enough – we would go target shooting and then work on our guns, cleaning and adding cool new features to them. When I joined the military I became a Gunner’s Mate and was an expert rifle and pistol marksman, with the medals and scores to back it up. I can say with full confidence that I outshot almost everyone I ever met in the military – with the exception of a VERY select few. On the range, I made experienced combat Soldiers and Marines look like they had never fired a weapon in their lives… and I was a mere Coast Guardsmen with very limited useful military training. So now that my bragging and self back-patting is finished, let me go on a full attack about the stupidity of American gun owners and why THEY are the worst enemy of preserving EVERYONE’S right to possess firearms in peace, with little opposition from the radical left.

As America bickered like children over gun laws, Starbucks passed a company policy respecting the rights of gun owners to openly carry in their establishments – if local and state laws allowed it.

Great! Bravo! Thank you Starbucks for being reasonable and as fair as you can to your customer base.

But what did this policy mean for the idiot gun-owners of “Muricah”?

For the gun-owner simpletons, this policy meant that it was time to show up at Starbucks in multiple locations, purposely brandishing their open carry leeway – with some going as far as bringing AR and AK style rifles and parading around like they owned the store until people called cops. Now, I am no fan of most cops and I’m well aware of America’s growing police state – BUT – in these cases, these idiots who wanted attention, did what they did specifically to bring the cops out so that they could “make a stand for the 2nd Amendment.”

They made these moronic stands while using someone else’s business to cause a scene…

Starbucks has since asked people not to open carry in their establishments.

How fucked up is that, on the part of gun-owners? How shameful, classless, and embarrassing of them to abuse a business’s generosity so badly that they had to make a statement about it? That’s like inviting guests to an event that allows alcohol to be brought in, expecting the guests to behave… and the guests bringing their own booze and getting obliterated drunk while making a huge scene and causing embarrassment to the host who invited them. And then, after causing such a scene, they say “Fuck you!” and spend the next several days spreading nasty rumors and telling others not to deal with the host – all because the host NICELY asked them to leave for THEIR lack of class and ethics.

Gun owners love to give verbal kudos to people who help preserve the 2nd Amendment. But like trailer-trash, they will use, and use, and use someone or some business and give little to nothing in return. And when that source of generosity stops, in typical classy trailer trash “what have you done for me lately” fashion, they bash and shit on that once generous source.

I am so tired of being associated with idiots like these. Ninety percent of the time, when dealing with an anti-gun individual face to face, the conversation ends with them asking me, “Why can’t every gun owner be as sensible and reasonable as you are?”

I don’t give up positions I firmly believe in; I don’t fold under pressure and get mad – I listen to the other side and then point out the flaws of why they are incorrect in their gun control beliefs in a polite manor; I don’t make it seem like I am orgasmic for someone to break into my home so I can kill them; I don’t make myself seem like some prepper nut-case awaiting “Anti-Christ Obama’s invasion of Jesus lovin Mericah” and I sure as shit don’t tell people that “Its my GOD given right” to own a gun, because, A) I don’t think a bronze-age mythical deity has any say in gun rights and, B) Bringing religion into the gun debate makes most smart people look at dumb religious gun-owners as a Christian Taliban… and rightfully so.

To finish this rant off, as a gun owner and a firm believer in the right to bear arms without restrictions, on behalf of smart gun owners who just want to live in peace and enjoy our hobby, I’d like to apologize to the Starbucks corporation and let them know that I for one will continue to support their business for being reasonable and fair. That’s right. This gun-owner and advocate for gun ownership rights will continue to give my business to Starbucks for allowing fair treatment of their gun owner customers who, in return for that fair treatment, shamefully acted like classless trailer-trash. I am not among them, nor will I ever support them.

Author: John Smith is a 6 year Coast Guard veteran who has a love for personal freedom, esoteric/occult studies, offensive and intellectual comedy, and music.

7 thoughts on “Gun Owners Are Simpletons… And I Like Starbucks

  1. wow, what a joke. are you an actual writer? well, guess not if you’re only published on homemade low volume sites like these. and yeah, EVERYONE reading knows you’re full of ship on the “I’m a gun nut and better shot than the Marine’s” crap… like wow, this reads like an angry autistic 5 year old wrote it. Someone needs to go back to community college and take Logic and Comms 101 again. You sound like you can’t even convince youself with this crap.


    • Mr. Anonymous

      Thank you for your feedback. Its obvious I hit a nerve with you, but what was said I felt needed to be said… and no, nothing I wrote in that was full of “ship” as you say. The 2nd amendment was written for two reasons and two reasons only; for fighting off a foreign enemy, and for the ability to overthrow a hostile government. Our founders did not need to emphasize self defense because in those days it was plain common sense that anyone and everyone had that right. In our modern world, gun owners have forgoten what that amendment means and put whole new spins on it that only opened up the radical left’s ability to put their own “interpretations” on the issue…

      All that being said, when gun owners act like morons, it hurts my ability to advocate our rights to putting less restrictions on fire arms. When hunters go out in the woods and try to be commando snipers shooting at an animal from too far away and wounding it causing other people to see the carnage left by that wound, that hurts my gun rights arguments; When people go to public ranges that don’t have range officers -which I support that freedom of not having a range officer annoy me while I shoot- and then they shoot up the range and destroy the property like someone did in Francis Marrion Public Gun Range in South Carolina, that hurts my arguments for gun rights; when people brag about wanting to shoot people, be they home invaders or criminals, that makes anti gun people think you have a desire to kill and will kill if given a chance, and yes, that too hurts my arguments for OUR gun rights.

      I can’t break it down any more Barney style than that.



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  3. I believe what you wrote was actually very reasonable.
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  4. You made me laugh…and I like to. But I have to ask, since I live in two trailers, put together…a sort of “double wide paradise” as I like to call it, to you am I simply trailer trash…or actually twice as trashy? It’s kinda funny how, in all our efforts to present ourselves as common man, yet rational…to a distinction…our own intellectual snobbery never fails to show up…somehow…some way. And I am not even looking at a Mensa card while I write this!


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