…please start with yourself.”

In the wake of these latest murders in France, I’m reminded that the preceding sentence isn’t just a funny internet meme. It’s valid advice.

For real. Please do it.

That goes for all of you: Muslim nut-jobs who plan to kill cartoonists and satirists, Christian nut-jobs who plan to blow up abortion clinics and Buddhist nut-jobs who – well, you guys are okay – but the rest of you, kill yourselves. Shoot yourself in the head, jump off a building, start your car in the garage and take a nap, hang yourself in your closet, fill your pockets with Fancy Feast and leap into the tiger cage at the zoo, go to Florida and overdose on OxyContin – I don’t care how you do it, just do it quickly before you hurt anyone else.

Because if you have bought into your bullshit religion to the extent that you are willing to take another life simply because you’re upset that others won’t follow your god’s “rules,” then, I’m sorry, but we just don’t have any place for you in a modern society. We are far too violent as it is, for way too many other dumbass reasons.

I certainly won’t go so far as to say that there aren’t justified reasons to take another human life. Because there are (hint: most of them involve the word defense). But, “My Invisible Sky Daddy is offended by something published in a newspaper or posted on the internet,” just didn’t make the cut.

So, again, if you really believe that your religion is worth killing for, just do humanity a solid and start with yourself. It’s time for you to either join us in the 21st-century… or take yourself out of it.

Author: Nick Allison lives in Austin, Tx where he enjoys not killing people over his radical agnosticism and does his best not to take shit too seriously.  Also, he enjoys writing his own bio in third-person because it probably makes him feel more important.