Religious Dating

by Jay Gondolfo

“Contact between the human world and the mer world is strictly forbidden. Ariel, you know that! Everyone knows that!” ~ King Triton in The Little Mermaid

Do you see the quote above? That quote is from a child’s movie. How ridiculous is it that right now in 2013 we have adults who strictly live by a similar ideology. Only for them it involves which God you believe is the true God rather than being a mermaid or a human… actually, the mermaid/human thing does make more logical sense than being denied another person for differences in their cult beliefs. At least a mermaid is half a fish – I could see the whole “problems in the bedroom and long distance relationship” thing being an issue for a mermaid and a human – however there is no issue between a human and a human. So why does someone else’s idea of theology make any difference? It doesn’t!

I am noticing lately that I am seeing advertisements for Christian Mingle, J Date, LDS Singles, and even Islamic sites everywhere. On TV, on billboards, online, etc. I just can’t escape these ridiculous commercials about how two actors found their soul mate because NO other dating strategy worked. I’m not going to lie here, if someone admits to not having a single normal date in their entire dating life until logging on to one of these religious sites; that may be a queue to run to the hills. One other thing I am finding funny is, coincidentally, all of these ads are popping up just as the whole gay marriage thing is going on, not that I think it’s some grand conspiracy or anything, I just find it ironic. This brings me to my next point: homosexuals and religion. If anything, I would think that religion would LOVE the idea of homosexuality. I know I do; it just means there are fewer guys I have to compete with when finding a girl I am interested in. And the best part… Everyone is happy! It’s a win-win!

But no, religion feels otherwise. And that is a topic for another time…

So what do I feel about these dating services? On the one hand I can only have respect for the individuals who came up with this ingenious marketing plan of religious dating; on the other hand I am in awe that people are so shallow minded that they will close out an entire planet of wonderful human beings, except for the ones who have the same delusional beliefs as they do. As for me, I don’t discriminate and I don’t care what people think of me. It’s not even the shallow, shameless sailor in me, it’s just that throughout my entire life, if I was attracted to a girl, it did not matter what she was or where she came from (I was about to say “I didn’t care what she looked like” but I would be lying). In fact, there have been more girls with different backgrounds, from different countries than me, that blew me away than girls with a similar background to mine. I can’t even count the times I’ve been told both jokingly and seriously that when I finally settle down it will be with some exotic girl from somewhere else. So if I can put aside differences, why can’t these people?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not even close to saying who people can or can’t have preferences for. I’m simply asking: why is it that someone else’s “beliefs” matter?

About the Author: Jay Gondolfo is 6 year Coast Guard veteran who has a love for personal freedom, esoteric/occult studies, offensive and intellectual comedy, and music.

Contact Jay at


3 thoughts on “Religious Dating

  1. I’m still trying to figure out why it is that needs to send me spam e-mail asking if I’d like to see photos of singles in my area. One would think if god was so powerful and mighty, he/she would just command me to journey to the perfect partner’s house and introduce myself.


  2. Pingback: Chaos 2013: Year in Review | Chaos Section

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