A Holiday Message from your Friends at The Chaos Section


Seasons Greetings and Happy holidays, Winter Soltice, Christmas, Yule, Malkh, Dies Natalis Solis Invicti, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Yalda, Bodhi Day, Boxing Day, Saint Lucy’s Day, Xmas, Festivus, Dongzhi, Mōdraniht, Pancha Ganapati, Saturnalia or whatever-the-fuck else you may celebrate during the month of December depending upon your geographical place of birth and which superstitions, traditions and religious ideas were instilled/not instilled in your soft, absorbent little brain as a child.

It’s always strange to me this time of year when I start hearing about this alleged “War on Christmas.” I wasn’t ever aware that I was a belligerent in such a conflict until I was told so by Fox News a few years ago. Turns out my secular friends and I have been attempting to ruin Christmas for Christians for quite some time now. And Christians (who have us way outnumbered in this “war,” by the way!) are just sick and tired of us. But I suppose most Americans always need to feel offended by something, whatever that fucking means.

It is funny though, that Fundamentalist Christians are so outraged over this particular “war” and yet don’t seem to mind the real ones, you know, the ones that actually result in massive loss of human life: The War on Drugs. The War on Terror. It seems we have become a very war friendly culture. We declare “war” on everything.

I was a professional warrior once. I understand that it is human nature to fight and kill… but I also understand that it’s in our nature to love, protect and evolve. And I think it’s about time we evolve. If you flip on any of the 24 hour news channels this holiday seasons, you’re likely to see nothing but dead babies, psychotic killers, drone attacks, roadside bombs, flag-draped coffins, crying mothers, anthrax, bath salts, civil wars and more dead babies… death, death, death, death, death- on constant loop. It’s enough to make you feel a little desperate. But that’s what sells advertising…

So, I have a question for everyone; a suggestion for a global New Year’s resolution if you will: Would it be too much to ask that we stop shooting, stabbing, bombing and just generally fucking each other up over bullshit, outdated religious beliefs and imaginary borders? Let’s just try it for a year and see how it works out, okay?

Someday, I hope people will truly realize the human cost of war and then we will see the way we look at things begin to change. A healthy dose of psilocybin mushrooms for every single human on Earth might just solve things a great deal quicker; perhaps you and your family should consider partaking in this ancient psychedelic Christian ritual over the holiday season. At the very least, smoke or eat some cannabis, for Christ’s sake (also a standard sacrament for earlier Christians). It may help you open your mind and understand what John Lennon once said in my favorite Christmas song, Happy Xmas (War is Over).

War is over, but only if you really want it.

P.S. We would like to send a special thanks to all of our readers for their emails, comments and overall support. We’ve just gotten started with this little writing project and we look forward to bringing you much, much more original content in 2013. From our family to yours, The Chaos Section wishes each of you a happy and safe Holiday Season and a peaceful and prosperous New Year.

Peace, love and chaos….

About the Author: Nick A. has published his articles under numerous pen names in various online magazines, blogs and newspapers that he somehow tricked into accepting his unexceptional work. His hobbies include sarcasm, reading, traveling the world, exploring the fringes of the collective consciousness/unconscious, playing guitar badly and pissing off the Christian Establishment. After leaving the U.S. Army Infantry in 2005 with an honorable discharge, a CIB and some useless ribbons, Nick moved to Austin, TX where he lives with his wife, son and two big, dumb, ugly mongrel dogs. In late 2012, he and a group of friends started the community blog ChaosSection.com, which is clearly nothing more than a poorly crafted conspiracy aimed at warping the minds of the Christian youth and bringing about a peaceful, godless society, free of dogma, bigotry and hate.

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2 thoughts on “A Holiday Message from your Friends at The Chaos Section

  1. nice so I guess illegal drugs will just make it all better and we should just get high all the time and forget about jesus I guess cause that will fix everything

    Like

    • Well, Mary, that’s not exactly what I said, but thank you for giving it a half-ass read anyway.

      And since you obviously have an aversion to reading things thoroughly, I am going to make a list to simplify a few points for you. Please attempt to focus and make it through these next five points. They are very important.

      1) Sarcasm is lost on some people.
      2) You should believe in whatever myth you need to believe, so long as it makes you a better, more peaceful person.
      3) Punctuation and capitalization are not as scary as they seem. You should get more intimate with both.
      4) Please have a happy, safe Christmas, filled with love and joy.
      5) Thanks for reading. Tell a friend!

      Like

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